Friday, December 31, 2010


behind the happy mask
are my tears, my lonliness
i wish i could remove it,
the mask and sadness inside
but i'm afraid to stop the show

by Kristianne Gayle Brigole

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Heart, We Will Forget Him

Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!

When We Two Parted

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever the years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder, thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk, chill on my brow,
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me...
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well..
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

To My Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more then whole Mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee, give recompence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever,
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

The Reader

I have to leave too, and I'll walk with you.

It was more of she had withdrawn into her own body, and left it to itself and its own quiet rhythms, unbothered by any input from her mind, oblivious from the outside world.

But I had nothing else to occupy or distract me.

But they would lecture me with loving concern, which was worse than being scolded.

I had done things I had not decided to do.

Silencing my bad conscience...

Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily.

Is sadness what comes over us when beautiful memories shatter in hindsight because the remembered happiness fed not just on actual circumstances but on promise that was not kept?

When I see a woman of thirty six, I find her young. But when I see a boy of fifteen, I see a child.

From the outside it is impossible to tell if you are disowning someone or simply exercising discretion, being considerate, avoiding embarrassments and sources of irritation.

Juxtaposition of callousness and extreme sensitivity...

I recognized her but I felt nothing, nothing at all.

I saw myself functioning but inwardly, I felt no involvement.

There are matters one simply cannot get drawn into, that one must distance oneself from if the price is not life and limb.

Is it possible that when you say you knew, the most you can actually do is assume, and that when you say "believe" you are actually just making things up?

She had not allowed herself to be corrupted by self-pity or the self-confidence she had obviously drawn from the fact that she had survived.

Or as if it had been a conflict between two equally compelling duties that required action?

And if I was not guilty because one cannot be guilty of betraying a criminal, then I was guilty of having loved a criminal.

My father was undemonstrative, and could neither share his feelings with us children nor deal with the feelings we had for him.

If one knows what is good for another person who in turn is blind to it, then one must try to open his eyes. One has to leave him the last word, but one must talk to him and not to someone else behind his back.

He sounded as if he was being a little ironic but maybe it was just th tone of voice and the choice of words.

It would be too much to say I was happy about this. But I felt it was right.

Knowing what was going on didn't mean taking part.

There's no need to talk, because the truth of what one says lies in what one does.

Self-inflicted pressure to work and succeed.

My longing for Hannah became so strong that it hurt.

Whatever I had done or not done, whatever she had done or not to me--it was the path my life had taken

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Let these be your desires

ove has no other desire but to fulfill itself
But if your love and must needs have desires,
Let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook
That sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
And give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer
For the beloved in your heart
And a song of praise upon your lips.

XVII (I do not love you...)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I love you